Described asBeachesmeetsThe Exorcist, Grady Hendrix’s 2016 novel,My Best Friend’s Exorcism,was destined for the screen. Taking obvious inspiration from films and 80s horror fiction — the subject of Hendrix’s non-fiction bookPaperbacks from Hell— the novel reads like a film with its cinematic language, inventive use of tropes, and vivid imagery. The foundation was there for a great, campy teen horror comedy. Hendrix even dedicated each chapter to an 80s song, unintentionally creating the perfect movie soundtrack. And then Amazon came along and messed it all up.
Directed by Damon Thomas from a screenplay by Jenna Lamia,My Best Friend’s Exorcismis an uninspired horror comedy that is neither funny nor scary. It has terrible pacing, unfunny dialogue,god-awful CGI, and is unfaithful to the source material, so much so that viewers wonder if Thomas/Lamia ever read the book or just skimmed its Wikipedia page. But its biggest sin is its treatment of Abby and Gretchen’s friendship: the crux ofMy Best Friend’s Exorcism.
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My Best Friend’s Exorcismis set during the1980s satanic panicand follows Abby Rivers (Elsie Fisher) and Gretchen Lang (Amiah Miller), high school sophomores who’ve been best friends since fourth grade. Abby and Gretchen love each other more than life and share everything, including classes and their other friends, Glee (Cathy Ang) and Margaret (Rachel Ogechi Kanu). One evening during summer break, Margaret invites the girls to her parent’s lakehouse, where they try LSD together.
At first, nothing happens, but then Gretchen goes missing. When she returns hours later battered and bruised,she’s not the same as she was before. What begins with Gretchen hearing voices (and developing a real personal hygiene problem) ends with her character developing a thirst for power and a desire to ruin her friends' lives — especially Abby’s. With no other explanation, Abby decides Gretchen is possessed and takes it upon herself to save her. But is their friendship strong enough to beat the devil?
My Best Friend’s Exorcismthe novelbegins in the present day with the opening sentence,“The exorcist is dead.“Adult Abby reflects on her current life before reminiscing about “how everything got so f*cked up back in 1988,” the year Gretchen was possessed by the devil. The novel will get to that eventually, but first, it takes readers back to 1982, the year Abby turned ten and met Gretchen for the first time. The story goes as follows: Abby was beyond excited to celebrate her tenth birthday at Redwing Rollerway, and was devastated when none of her classmates showed up. About to pack the whole thing in, she was both relieved and shocked when Gretchen Lang, “the weird new kid,” arrived with her pushy mother in tow.
Abby was immediately suspicious of Gretchen; how could she not know who E.T. (Abby’s idol) is? But after spending the afternoon together — Abby teaching Gretchen how to skate andwhat E.T. stands for— she fell in love:“Gretchen knew exactly what Abby was thinking. She was smiling back at Abby, and Abby didn’t want anyone else at her birthday party now.“This moment is the turning point in their relationship when they go from acquaintances to friends for life.
My Best Friend’s Exorcismthe filmcompletely forgoes this event, dropping viewers smack-bang in the middle of their friendship timeline. Besides the photos on their bedroom walls, alluding to time spent and memories shared, there’s no history between Abby and Gretchen that viewers have witnessed. Already, their friendship feels disingenuous and forced. Why is this pretty, presumably popular kid friends with this working-class kid with bad skin (which, by Hollywood logic, automatically makes her a loser)? Viewers are asked not to question it, and they don’t get any backstory to back it up. Here is Gretchen, here is Abby; see these matching lip glosses? Matching key chains? They’re best friends, believe it. Why they’re friends, or how they became friends, doesn’t matter. However, it really should for a film about the power of female friendship.
Glossing over the roller rink scene was the first nail in the coffin. The second was omitting DBNQ — Abby and Gretchen’s shorthand for “I love you dearly but not queerly” — for the weaker LYLAS, which translates to “love you like a sister.” Replacing DBNQ with LYLAS seemed reasonable at first. Used in this context, the word “queer” might stir up controversy. But then they created a new subplot about Glee being a closeted lesbian and used the word anyway — as an insult. For this reason, it makes no sense why they’d change Abby and Gretchen’s invented love language. DBNQ was iconic, and describes their relationship much better. These are two girls who are so intoxicated by each other that anyone would naturally assume they’re in a relationship. DBNQ reflects the campiness of their friendship too (and being the 80s,it is very camp). LYLAS is a bad substitution by all accounts. Anyone with a sister will know that LYLAS is as much of a dig as it is meant to be a term of endearment. Sisters argue more than anything — just look to other teen films. It’s a different dynamic that doesn’t represent them as well (at least not until Gretchen is possessed).
My Best Friend’s Exorcismthe film also completely overlooks the small moments in the book — which happen to be the big moments in Abby and Gretchen’s friendship and what makes it so special — to focus on the main events.It loses the stuff of substance in the process. It goes from introducing the two friends to having Gretchen become possessed at lightning speed. Obviously, the film can’t include every detail in the book, and a lot of condensing had to happen. However, it would have been wiser to develop their friendship more. A short, simple flashback or montage would have gone a long way.
There’s a huge lack of history and chemistry — which is no fault of the actresses, but a huge fault of the screenplay. Because of this, Abby’s monologue to Gretchen — the one that’s supposed to be powerful enough to exorcise the demon out of her — pales in comparison to the monologue she gives in the book and feels undeserved. Film-Abby’s anecdotes hold no sentimental value to the viewer as they mostly happened offscreen, whereas book-Abby references earlier moments in the book, and her monologue is very powerful and moving for this reason. Most importantly though, it’s believable: Yes, their friendship really is that strong, we’ve seen it, we’ve been there. When it comes to the film, viewers can just about suspend disbelief when it comes to the bad CGILOTR-style goblinthat possesses Gretchen, but not when it comes to Abby and Gretchen’s friendship. That they just can’t buy.
