Skyrimis a game now over 10-years-old, and with all of its peculiarities and glitches well documented, it’s a wonder that players can continue to find hilarity in the world that Bethesda Game Studios has created.Skyrim’s huge open world is brimming with thousands of NPCs and hundreds of thousands of lines of recorded dialogue. With an absurd number of interactions available to players, there will always be moments of emergent gameplay that trigger a chuckle from fans.
A particular well of content thoroughly drawn from are the interactions between the Dragonborn and the many guards that patrol Skyrim’s towns and cities. Bethesda’s often buggy Creation Engine will regularly see these generic NPCs glitch out in some ridiculous way, and fromWindhelm to Solitude guards are swimming in the airand addressing players in the most inappropriate ways.
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One clip uploaded to the r/skyrim subreddit by user ThornWarrior features one such bizarre guard reaction in a baffling moment of emergent gameplay. While walking through the haunted town of Ivarstead, ThornWarrior approaches a guard who stops and bemoans that he’d “be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a belly full of mead.” This is standard guard banter, not much different from the usual whining that most guards do onboth sides of Skyrim’s Civil War. Immediately after this, he relates to the player, saying “You’re like me, eh? Don’t fancy those clunky two-handed weapons.” After another pretty standard guard reaction, ThornWarrior turns to walk away, but they turn back round to register the enormous two-handed Iron Greatsword hanging on the guard’s back.
This line of dialogue can be triggered by any guard so long as the player has a high enough level in the one-handed skill, which specializes in daggers, swords, axes, and maces. Similar lines of dialogue can also play addressing all sorts of skilltrees and playstyles, as long as players is at least level 30 in them. These voice lines add a lot ofmuch-needed immersion toSkyrim, as it imbues the game world with a realness, giving player choice a tangible impact on the NPCs around them.
As much faster-swinging weapons than greatswords, battleaxes, and warhammers, the guard’s assessment thatSkyrim’s two-handed weaponsare “clunky” isn’t incorrect; however, given the randomized nature of guards inSkyrim, it’s clear Bethesda hoped players wouldn’t notice or care too much if the guard saying the line also wields a two-handed weapon. This sticks out as one of the instances that game developers have cut corners to save time, rather than spend it coding a failsafe that stops guards with two-handed weapons from saying it. Ultimately, this is a small sacrifice for something very few players will notice, and on the occasion that they do, it makes for a funny little gag that only enhances fans’ enjoyment of the game.
Skyrimis currently available for Nintendo Switch, PC, PS3, PS4, PS5, Xbox 360, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S.
